You may feel everything is out of control. This is the case for many separating couples. Your hopes, dreams and expectations for the future have been seriously questioned and you may feel your life is “unraveling”. Maintaining independence in this phase of your separation will help you feel more in control and help you and your spouse learn to work together.
Unfortunately professionals on your behalf conduct many of the alternatives to mediation. I often have clients express how frustrated they feel about not being part of the process, of not understanding the bureaucracy or the jargon, of feeling as though the things most important for them were not important to the professionals acting on their behalf.
The advantage to mediation is that you are in control. You attend all meetings, you have a say in creating the agenda items, you actively participate in the discussions and you develop your own decisions under the guidance of your mediator. At the end of each mediation meeting you have the satisfaction of knowing which items have been settled and which need to be worked on next.
Mediation allows a lot of feedback and conversation between you and your spouse. A mediator will assist each of you to considering your decisions and understanding their daily impact on your life.
At a time when you feel your life is collapsing, having the ability to manage your own decisions can significantly improve your stress level and your sense of well being.